Afraid of Change
by Furious Writer 091
Summary: Speaking with Hiyama and Fujikawa (Saejima) and Mary Jane Yoko at the Meguri Ai, Shiraishi confesses that she has feelings for Aizawa but is reluctant to confess to him because she doesn't want to lose his friendship. ONESHOT


Hello there! My name is Furious Writer 091 and this is the first of what I hope will be many Fanfics to come. I decided to start with code blue because it's the first doramas (japanese dramas) I saw and I like the series a lot. I'm also working on a multi-chapter Code Blue Fanfic which hopefully I'll upload soon. Read, enjoy and leave a comment.

Disclaimer: "Code Blue" does not belong to me.

**Afraid of Change**

Megumi Shiraishi looked at her best friend, Mihoko Hiyama, with a confused expression for a while after hearing what she had just said. "Hiyama-sensei, would you please repeat what you've just said?"

"You are in love with Aizawa" Mihoko repeated, seeing her friend trying to process the words again.

"I-I'm not!" She finally said, her face turning red.

"You clearly are! You haven't seen me in a while and the only thing you talk about is that he is returning tomorrow!" Hiyama countered letting out a small laugh. "Isn't it clear as water that she is in love with him?" The OB-GYN asked looking at the two people who were with them, Mary Jane Yoko, the owner of the "Meguri Ai" bar where they having a drink, and their friend Haruka Fujikawa Nee. Saejima, who were staring at Megumi with incredulous eyes.

"We thought it was obvious" the bar owner replied. "I mean I never took "Ugly" here for a stupid girl, but I may need to think again."

"Hey!" Megumi protested.

"Sorry." Mary Jane apologized for insulting her "But we thought you knew. Anybody who has seen you with Kōsaku or only heard you talk about him has realized!"

"It is pretty obvious" Haruka agreed.

"It's not like that!" Megumi insisted, growing more red by the second. "He is just a friend. A male friend but a friend nonetheless. I don't feel anything different for him than what I feel for Fujikawa-Sensei" She added. Even she had to admit her last statement was a lie though. She appreciated Fujikawa a lot but Aizawa and her were much closer.

"So you are in love with Fujikawa too?" Mihoko joked laughing..

"I'm not in love with either of them!" Megumi replied, her face as red as a tomato.

"Would it help if we told you that he most likely reciprocates your feelings?" Haruka said, trying to get Megumi to admit her feelings and Mihoko to stop her teasing.

"Eh?" Megumi said again as confused as when Hiyama had confronted her about her own feelings.

"Do you have selective deafness?" Mihoko asked. "She is saying Aizawa likes you too."

"Eeeeeeeh!?" Megumi shouted before beginning to ramble incoherently mostly to herself.

"I think we broke her" Mary Jane said, looking worriedly at one of her best clients while Haruka only nodded.

"Shiraishi, calm down" Mihoko said, unsuccessfully trying to snap her best friend out of it. After trying a few more times she'd finally had enough. "Megumi!" She shouted, finally bringing the other woman back to reality.

"I need another drink" Megumi said and Mary Jane nodded, getting ready to prepare her another cocktail. Mihoko and Haruka sighed. They wanted to know why their friend was so scared of the feelings she clearly had for Aizawa, or the feelings he had for her.

"What you need is to begin dating that man already" Mihoko said. "Why are you denying your own feelings? And why are you so terrified of Aizawa reciprocating them?" She asked.

Megumi opened her mouth and closed it again, trying to give an answer, to say that she didn't have feelings for her best male friend and that she wasn't terrified of him loving her. When she couldn't she just sighed, it seemed like she couldn't win the discussion since what they all had said was the truth. She loved Kōsaku Aizawa, she loved him with all her heart and, like her friends, she suspected he felt the same way about her. But...

"I don't want my friendship with him to end." She said in a low voice. The three women looked at her waiting for Megumi to explain her worries. "Even if you are right and he loves me back. If we start a relationship, there's no guarantee it wouldn't end. It could last a Day or it could last forever, but there is no way of knowing. Right? If it does end our friendship would end as well. I would lose one of my best friends."

"That's…" Haruka began but Megumi interrupted her.

"Cowardly?" Megumi asked. "I know."

"And stupid" Mihoko added. "Don't forget to acknowledge how stupid it is. Because in case you haven't realized, it's a sure way to guarantee your friendship will end"

"What do you mean?" Megumi asked, a frown forming on her face.

"If you ask Aizawa out, you are right, things will change. He can reject you or even if he doesn't, your relationship might not last forever. Things won't return to the way they are." Mihoko began to explain. "However, there is a very strong probability that he'll say yes and that your relationship lasts until death does you part. The same will happen of course if he is the one who confesses. But if neither of you does, you'll end up drifting apart from each other. Your untold feelings towards each other will become a strain in your friendship and as you try to continue with your life without telling each other what you feel, it wouldn't be weird if you started to avoid each other more and more. Of course, if one or both of you get married to other people, you will most certainly never see each other again because your old feelings for each other will make your significant others uncomfortable. Your fear will end up destroying your friendship"

"That's quite the script for a drama" Megumi said, chuckling before gulping down her drink and leaving the money on the table. "I have to wake up early tomorrow. See you guys." She added before she headed for the door and left the bar.

"Hiyama-sensei" Haruka said. "You shouldn't have said that."

"No, I definitely had to say it" Mihoko said. "As a friend it was my duty to tell her that not telling him how she felt wouldn't necessarily save their friendship."

"What do you think will happen now?" Mary Jane asked.

"I'm not sure" Mihoko said. "My guess is that Shiraishi won't sleep tonight thinking about what I said. As for the rest, only time will tell"

==============================Afraid of Change===========================

When Kōsaku spotted Megumi seated by herself near the helipad, he approached her. He'd been back in Japan for a couple of days yet he had not seen his friend in all of that time. When he'd returned to Shohoku he'd gone back to the Neurosurgery Department, but he'd stopped by Lifesaving a few times and he had seen the rest of the team, he had not managed to see her again, even when she'd been in the room moments before he entered it. Not only that but she also rejected his phone calls. It was like she was avoiding him, making Kōsaku wonder what he'd done wrong for Megumi to be so angry at him.

"Shiraishi" he spoke when he was barely two steps away from him.

The woman snapped out of her thoughts and looked at him clearly startled by his presence. "Aizawa-sensei!? How do you know I would be here?"

"Well, I didn't. But I was looking for you and this is one of the places we used to hang out the most." He said. "I didn't know if you still came, but it was worth a try." He added, handing her a can of coffee.

"Thanks" she said as she took it with a small and forced smile.

"Are you angry at me?" Kōsaku asked.

"What? No!" Megumi replied. "You haven't done anything wrong. Why would I be angry at you?"

"I'm not sure. But ever since I've returned you've been avoiding me" The neurosurgeon said "So I thought I had offended you."

"You haven't offended me" she reassured him. "And I wasn't avoiding you. I've been busy" she lied.

"So you were busy yesterday after your shift?" Kōsaku asked. "I called you to see if you wanted to come to the Meguri Ai with me but you rejected my call."

"I had some things to do" Megumi defended herself. "Did you go alone?" She then asked and Kōsaku noticed there was a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"No, I went home to finish unpacking my things." He said. "Why did the thought of me going to the Meguri Ai alone make you nervous?"

"Drinking alone is not good" she said. "Even if it's in a bar."

Kōsaku raised an eyebrow and analyzed his friend's face. There was something she wasn't telling him, but he knew if he pressured her she would never tell him. So he drank the canned coffee in silence with his friend doing the same.

"Thanks for the coffee" Megumi said as after taking the last sip. "I gotta go, see you around Aizawa-sensei." She told him with a smile.

"See you" he said with a nod as he continued drinking while looking at the helicopter. Megumi began to walk back to Lifesaving but she hadn't taken 10 steps when she stopped.

'Your fear will end up destroying your friendship' her best friend's voice sounded in her head. She closed her eyes, it seemed it already was. This was the most uncomfortable she'd felt of all the times she'd spoken with Aizawa near the helipad, the only time she'd been desperate to leave. Would it be like that from now on? Would she try to see him as little as possible? 'You just need time to think' she told herself. 'Soon you'll be able to tell him how you feel.' 'Yes, but how long do I need?' Another part of her asked 'Weeks? Months? Years? How long will Aizawa wait? How long will he tolerate me avoiding him?' she thought.

Megumi didn't know for how long she'd been standing without moving before Aizawa's worried voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "Shiraishi do you feel alright? You've been standing here looking worried and without moving for more than a minute."

"I…" Megumi spoke. "We need to talk, Aizawa-sensei." It was no use postponing talking to him any longer. The longer she spent debating on whether to confess her feelings or not the more difficult it would get. Their interaction would also become more tense and awkward.

"What is it?" He asked.

"You were right before. I've been avoiding you since you returned to Shohoku." She confessed. "I'm very sorry."

"You don't need to apologize Shiraishi" Kōsaku replied, his expression serious but not angry. "I'm curious though. Why did you do it?"

"The day before you came back, Hiyama-sensei came for a visit, so I went with her and Saejima to have a drink at the Meguri Ai. We were talking and at one point we began talking about you." She explained while Kōsaku listened silently. "To be more specific, we began to talk about my feelings for you and the fact that…" Megumi stopped. Once she spoke these words there would be no turning back. She took a deep breath and summoned all her courage to finish the sentence. "... I love you. As more than a friend."

After she said that, Megumi looked at Kōsaku, his expression had not changed after hearing her confession, as if what she said was something he not only expected but didn't warrant a response from him. It was clear to her that he didn't reciprocate her feelings. Suppressing her tears she spoke again. "I need to go" she said but before she tried to move she noticed that she couldn't as Kosaku quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him.

"Aizawa-sen…" she began to speak but before she could even finish saying his name he interrupted her with a kiss. Her first reaction was to open her eyes wide in surprise but eventually she closed them. Megumi didn't know if they kissed for an hour, a minute or just a few seconds but the sense of loss she felt when he ended the kiss made it seem like it had lasted a lifetime.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time." Kōsaku said, giving her one of his rare smiles. Megumi nodded, her face was a little red and she was still trying to form a coherent thought. "Before leaving for Toronto."

"And why didn't you?" she finally asked when she could speak again.

"I'm not sure. Perhaps because I'm not that good at the whole romance thing. Like I told you before, you guys were like my family." Kōsaku said. "And I felt having you as a friend would be better than not having you at all if you didn't reciprocate my feelings." Hearing this Megumi chuckled.

"What 's so funny?" He asked, a little confused since Megumi wasn't the kind of person to laugh at others when they expressed their doubts.

"Nothing, just that I used to feel the same way" Megumi said smiling brightly at him. "I was afraid of the change me telling you about my feelings could bring, specifically that it could mean the end of our friendship."

"And now?" He smiled again.

"Now? Now I think I shouldn't be so afraid of change" She said as she grabbed his hand and led him back to the hospital.


End file.
